When it rains, it pours... and then it snows

If you can't tell from the title, this is going to be a huge rant post.

Here's some quick background:
- Since mid-January, my family and I have been in the process of selling our condo and trying to buy a home.
- We have a 3 year-old boy who is VERY ACTIVE (as everyone - including strangers - tell us). He also has ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder), which makes living in a 3rd floor condo more than just challenging. Plus, it's about time we moved into a place where he can have a proper drum set. Music is his first love. Numbers are a close second.
- We had put in an offer on a great house AND had a buyer on our condo. Everything was moving along fine.

Then in one week (the week we were supposed to close on both places)... it was all gone.

Our buyer turned out to be a loan agent who was probably trying to write his own loan. The guy goes by 4 names: Ghulam Kosrow, Ghulam Kasrow, Mark Kasrow, & Mark Lieberman. The escrow company he wanted us to use - Emerald City Escrow - is filled with a bunch of idiots & are probably a part of this elaborate scam they were trying to pull on us & others. What they were trying to get - we're not sure, but we're going to be watching our credit report for a long time.

And the house we were going to buy? The one we thought that was perfect - same school district as our son's special ed preschool, that was a walk away from the elementary school he would attend, with the cool park right behind the house, and a short commute for my hubby to go to work?

Gone. Gone. Gone. Under contract. Under inspection... with some one else.

Now we're back to square one.

Our place is back on the market (anyone want to buy a condo in the PNW?). We're back to sterile living, which means we get really pissed when our son throws all his crayons on the floor, and we have to get out of the house in 15 minutes before a potential buyer comes to look at our place, and we still have all the rest of the "pretty stuff" to put out.

Then my son's speech therapist - whom he loves and looks forward to seeing each week - is leaving because she and her family are moving. Next week is her last session with him.

You think trying to tell a preschooler that the home you said was going to be his is not going to be his anymore is hard? Try telling a preschooler who is still learning to talk, whom you're not sure understands the concepts you're trying to explain (let alone the words you're using) that he lost his room with the ceiling fan in it.

Oh - and how could I forget? It snowed today. A lot of people like snow. I like the first snow of the year. Catch that? The FIRST snow. 3 storms later, we're pretty much done with it. We lost another day of school to the snow.

Did I mention my son has missed school for two weeks now because of breaks and colds... and now snow.

When it rains, it pours... and then it snows.

Pure icing.

The results of all this chaos?

- Son: C-L-I-N-G-Y & W-H-I-N-Y. Oh... and he's been sleeping in our bed for 3 months now.

- Dad: Tired. I wonder sometimes if he feels like he isn't providing enough. That sucks because he provides well enough for all of us, and we have more now than 3 years ago when he was out of work for almost a year.

- Me? Angry. Stressed-out. Depressed. I even got suicidal. It's been that bad.

God and I have had a few conversations - most of them filled with lots of anger, doubt, confusion, and pain. This morning, I had this image of sitting on a bench, on a cliff, with a raging storm and crashing waves all around me. It was so real to me that I could feel the wind hitting my face and blowing through my hair. I smelt the salt in the air, and I could taste it on my tongue. But the most intense sensation I had was I could HEAR the waves roaring around me. I was overwhelmed by the sound, but I wasn't afraid.

Why?

Because sitting next to me, just a foot away.... was Jesus.

The storm is still raging. The cold from the wind hurts, as it hits me. It hasn't stopped.

The tears continue to run down my face, burning my skin. Some are filled with anger & bitterness. Some tears are just tears of sadness and pain.

Other tears are filled with joy.

I am not alone.

You may be silent, Jesus - for now - but You haven't left me.

And I won't be leaving either.